I’ve always sort of known what I wanted.
Like it was deep inside me somehow.
Maybe how my parents raised me. Maybe from some strong influences as I was developing. Maybe it’s just apart of who I am and who I’ve always been.
I can’t tell you what it is.
Like I can’t tell you exactly what I want.
But I know exactly what I want.
Like I want money, sure. But money’s not enough. Only having money would be a cop out. It would be settling.
I want to focus on my passions, like writing and video and people and stuff. But that’s also not enough. I need to be able to provide for myself and my family and my friends. I need a foundation and a platform from which to operate freely and independently.
That’s another thing.
I want to do kewl work, work that I believe in. But I want to have ownership over it. I want to have agency. I want to build something all my own.
Like, what’s really important to me is that I do things on my own terms.
I want to do it my way. I want to live through my own values and not anyone else’s.
I want all of that. I want to be creatively satisfied. I want to be professional respected. I want to be financially successful.
And if I have all those things, but my life is totally rigid, like I have to be in an office 80 hours a week with no exceptions and I have to micromanage every minute so I can fit in time to eat and time to exercise and time to see the people who matter to me, well that’s not going to work either.
I want flexibility.
I want to do big important things, but I also want to be able to say, well look, hold on. Right now would be a good time to step back and smell the dandelions. I don’t just want to have a family. I want the opportunity to raise a family.
And I want to be close to the people that I love all the time. I want access to them. I want to feel that they’re there.
I don’t want to be away in my own world all the time.
Because what’s the point of that.
So basically, I want it all.
And you know what, my entire life, people have been telling me, explaining to me how I can’t have that.
You can’t have it all, they tell me.
All the stuff that everyone wants? Pick one. Pick two, maybe, tops. But the whole shebang? Hell no.
You have to sacrifice.
If you want to get rich, well, you will probably have to sell your soul.
If you want success and respect within your field, you will probably have to sacrifice your family.
If you want to be a kewl creative, well, look buddy, enjoy life as a starving artist.
But man, that sucks.
I don’t want to compromise any of that.
I want it all.
And maybe this is just a puzzle I need to figure out.
Because no one is telling me how to do it. They only tell me how I can’t do it.
Yeah, I mean, I have no idea how to have all of that.
But I’m going to try and figure it out.
Because that’s what I want.
And I’m tired of settling.
I’m tired of compromising.
For some reason, I feel like I can get it. I feel like if I really believe and go for it, that maybe I can get it.
Or maybe I fail.
That’s possible, too.
But I think if I go for it and I fail, I’ll still be pretty satisfied with myself.
And look, sometimes, you just need to be satisfied with yourself.
Part of it is pride, too.
Like, I wanna be the guy who figures it out.
Flip the bird to all the doubters.
I’m kind of a prick like that, have always had that fiery streak.
Sometimes, I just wanna stick it to ‘em.
But I really think it goes back to belief.
For whatever reason, and my mom has always said this about me, I’ve always had that. I’ve always had that self belief.
I haven’t always had the confidence. I haven’t always had the experience. I haven’t always had the wisdom. I haven’t always had the right people around me. I haven’t always been in the right place at the right time.
But I’ve always had that self belief.
Last night was the first Floyd Mayweather v. Conor Mcgregor press conference.
You’ve probably heard about it at least in passing. It’s like the biggest cultural event of the year.
Conor McGregor is also another guy who has never lacked self belief.
I was watching some YouTube video of him last year. It was his early days. He was in a hotel room and he was just talking about the importance of belief.
And I’m paraphrasing here.
But you gotta believe, man.
Because belief is destiny.
If you believe, it affects everything that you do. It affects every decision/choice that you make.
If you believe your hard work will pay off, you are more likely to work hard.
In a way, if you believe, you make better choices.
If you believe, it sets you on an entirely different course in life.
So belief is destiny.
Belief is self-fulfilling.
The same goes for if you don’t believe.
There are a whole different set of life decisions/choices awaiting you as well.
A whole different path in life.
So you have to believe.
I will say one thing. Like I can’t tell you too much about the future or where this is all going. One thing I can say is that this is objectively, this is the best across the board that I’ve ever been. Emotionally, physically, all that stuff, you know. And not just the best, but consistently the best.
Like, I feel really good! But not in a satisfied way. It’s like I finally got a taste.
Now I want more.
Now I want it all.
So that tells me a lot about the path that I’m on right now.
It tells me a lot about where we’re headed.
Even if I have no idea where that is.
All I know is that I want it.